I caught myself giving up on myself again today. It's a sinking feeling, a feeling of collapse. I deceive myself into thinking I cannot handle what has been given to me. There's a twinge of defeat when I feel like I can't give anymore, like I'm unfit for the weight of this world. A world that, sometimes, feels like it's given up on me as much as I have on it.
Changing the narrative from a state of surrender to growth comes with its own hurdles, but realizing that I am not as weak as I think I am, and that these feelings come with the process, is enough to begin with. The minute my brain decides that it's strong enough to handle growth is the same instance I begin to feel capable again.
Leaning into the discomfort that comes with personal growth is undoubtedly difficult, but it's the combination of resistance followed by persistence that reveal, once hidden, determination. It's still wavering, but it's a start. Once I feel I have the confidence, I will persist. While that confidence may take time to culminate, it is always rooted within me.
With growth, comes doubt. It's a push, and it's a pull. It's wanting to throw myself into the unknown, while simultaneously cowering away. Today, I'm choosing the unknown. Tomorrow may look different, but the opportunity to grow will always be there patiently waiting for me.
Maybe I'm uneasy today, but maybe I'm just growing.